[Grovenet] Fwd: Illegal Immigrants

[Katie Allnutt]

Tongue in cheek of course....

Begin forwarded message:

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>         From the MANITOBA HERALD, Canada
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>      A flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into  
> Canada
> has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased  
> patrols to
> stop the illegal immigration. The possibility of a McCain/Palin  
> election is
> prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll  
> soon be
> required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
>      Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
> sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians  
> crossing their
> fields at night.
>      "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
> Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red
> Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
> exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
> free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't  
> even
> get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?
>      In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected  
> higher
> fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing  
> speakers that
> blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said.
> "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much  
> they wouldn't
> give milk."
>      Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
> liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station  
> wagons,
> drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.  
> "A lot
> of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario  
> border
> patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking  
> water. "They
> did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
>      When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border,
> often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.  
> Rumors
> have been circulating about the McCain administration establishing
> re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves  
> from
> airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for the
> Rapture.
>       In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious  
> ways of
> crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens  
> on bus
> trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a  
> half-dozen
> young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration  
> authorities began
> stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers  
> on Perry
> Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.
>       "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence  
> Welk
> Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
>       Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants  
> are
> creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
> Sarandon movies.
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>      "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy
> just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many
> art-history and English majors does one country need?"
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