[Grovenet] Fwd: Illegal Immigrants

[Geri]

:-D  Thanks for the humor, Katie.  :-D


      Geri

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Katie Allnutt" <allnutt at verizon.net>
To: "Forest Grove local interests list" <grovenet at rdrop.com>
Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 12:14 PM
Subject: [Grovenet] Fwd: Illegal Immigrants


> Tongue in cheek of course....
> 
> Begin forwarded message:
> 
>>
>>         From the MANITOBA HERALD, Canada
>>
>>      A flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into  
>> Canada
>> has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased  
>> patrols to
>> stop the illegal immigration. The possibility of a McCain/Palin  
>> election is
>> prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll  
>> soon be
>> required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
>>      Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of
>> sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians  
>> crossing their
>> fields at night.
>>      "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
>> Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red
>> Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
>> exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
>> free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't  
>> even
>> get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?
>>      In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected  
>> higher
>> fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing  
>> speakers that
>> blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said.
>> "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much  
>> they wouldn't
>> give milk."
>>      Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
>> liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station  
>> wagons,
>> drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.  
>> "A lot
>> of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario  
>> border
>> patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking  
>> water. "They
>> did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
>>      When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border,
>> often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.  
>> Rumors
>> have been circulating about the McCain administration establishing
>> re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to shoot wolves  
>> from
>> airplanes, deny evolution, and act out drills preparing them for the
>> Rapture.
>>       In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious  
>> ways of
>> crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens  
>> on bus
>> trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a  
>> half-dozen
>> young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration  
>> authorities began
>> stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers  
>> on Perry
>> Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.
>>       "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence  
>> Welk
>> Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
>>       Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants  
>> are
>> creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
>> Sarandon movies.
>>
>>      "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy
>> just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many
>> art-history and English majors does one country need?"
>>
> 
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