for joshua, who was disappointed in me:

The kids were all on face-recognition terms with the
law enforcement personnel. And security was abundant everywhere.
At Pioneer Square we saw police, Square rentacops, and
another uniformed security i didnt recognise the costume of.
There was exactly one 'cool' security guard - tho he apologised
quietly that tonight was special, his boss was keeping
a sharp eye on him so please do him a favor for tonight and all.
some of them were relatively laidback, some were sadistic assholes.

we decide the big escape for the night will be the 
cinco de mayo carnival at Waterfront park. we synchronise
stories concerning identities for the evening, based on the
name robin assumes and the signature on a library card Amee found 
the other day.

Robin is the expert at bypassing gate admission security - she 'got
inside and rode the DeJaVu 4 times last night' somehow. me and amee 
look on as She briskly queried outcoming couples, 'let me have your bracelets'.
In a matter of seconds, 3 bracelets were gathered, and with the help
of the adhesive tape from the packaging of a roll-on deodorant,
they were good as new, on our wrists, ready to roll. Alas, gate security
had an eye on us and it seemed unlikely we'd pass a skeptic's inspection.
A diversion, in the form of a young child who runs in, past the guard, 
and towards a cotton candy booth. We waste not a second, walk in and
display our bracelets for the now absent guard, the casual flashing of
them to the bracelet booth lady sufficing for both inspections. 

We walk along, past food booths and souvenir stands, and come to yet another
guard gate - to the carnival proper, with rides and bands and games involving
large stuffed bears. We casually flash our bracelets and walk on in.

Robin walks us to her favorite ride, the Zipper.  Amee and i hop into our
seats and latch in. the ride begins, slowly building, we glide
back and forth, slide forward and upsidedown. Coins rain from the night
sky. we cry and scream and shout like fucking babies.

after rides i buy us a small coke and we wander the crowds randomly
 - robin seems to know virtually everyone, we frequently stop to catch
 up with long lost pals from JDH and treatment and Greenhouse and 
everywhere else.  she goes to talk with the girl running the dart-toss 
game, inquiring on her baby and has she seen justin, so me and Amee wander 
off for a sprite. we talk some more and i think shes really cool.

we regroup, and, satiated, we drop back out of the surreal crowds,
leaving pretty blonde girls with small breasts under white cotton shirts,
determined gang members, dark eyed spanish girls with long 
black hair, pregnant mothers, men in wheelchairs struggling
with the trampled, grassy muddy ground.

not to romanticise their plight. life on the fucking street. 
the fucking street. thanks to uneasy understanding between the kids and
the cops. i expected, naively, they would want food or money.
those they can find with no apparent difficulty, i learned.
both were 'drug abusers' by probably any definition. robin was
being very careful to avoid police who knew her face, due to 
various outstanding debts owed to society still unpaid. 

they didnt want anything from me. i told them i had a gf. i told them
i loved her. i told them i did not want sex. they believed me.
we didnt have to con each other, a refreshing situation i thought.
it set us free to just be friends. its enough to know we woulda fucked,
in some not entirely different universe.

no im not one of them - im old, i have money, i have shelter, i have a
life to go home to after i leave them off in the comfort of
the City Nightclub where they will be ok until 4am, another 73 minutes
according to the clock on my vcr.  but it wasnt really so very long ago i was
a kid their age, sitting in the ultraviolet light of the good old
City nightclub, planning my next few hours, if in better circumstance.
will i see them again? prolly, a chance meeting by the Square or someplace.
they wont ask me for change, i wont pretend to not have any.

i think i love them.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
a short postscript:
It's Labor Day weekend, its thunderstorming outside and the days of 
spring and summer seem now to be only unlikely memories. 

The City, portland's premier all-ages gay nightclub, celebrated its
12th Anniversary this weekend. 

Robin was last seen with another teenage girl attempting to hitchhike to
Seattle. They left a couple of months ago. Word has it they never arrived.

Amee has reportedly fallen on harder times since the carefree days of
spring. Among other things, she has descended into prostitution. Rumor
has it that one of the men she accepted money from for unprotected sex has
recently died of AIDS.