jennicam journal: an ongoing reflection on jennicam


entry 1

dear jennifer,

objectification is in the eye of the beholder?

a symbiosis between the ultraexhibitionist and the voyeurs

adoration, adulation

i am pleased to hear of your recent interest in
oral hygiene, which will no doubt save you expensive and painful
periodontal work later in life. i dont have any data to back it up,
but id wager a lot of people would brush and floss more if they saw
you doing it... i tend to think people structure their lives around 
jennicam and you are a huge inspiration to the rest of us.

i am so proud of you. 

i find some of your shows disturbing, simply because they are staged.
and they seem to be representations of the tedious male-fantasy i spose
they are intended to appeal to. id like to see you do something
genuinely NEW tho i spose its a lot to ask. i liked tonight how you
just masturbated informally.  i think you show that an ordinary girl  
(are you??) can be smart & sexy, being herself....

im impressed you have a dream diary on the web. i tried that for awhile,
liked the results some, but eventually found it difficult to continue
it without self-censure, so i pulled it down entirely. ive only
read one entry, but it just being there reassures me.

has anyone told you you are kinda fat?  i think its really quite endearing.

im writing this as part of some kinda ongoing journal or something
im going to put on my page at http://www.rdrop.com/users/jamesp/
please dont link me to your list of people with links tho, k?
in any case, this is entry one, and i havent decided what to do with
with it, aside from get the thoughts down on the screen. 


no need to reply,
your pal,
james




entry 2   april 11

dear jennifer,

so in 5 years there are a thousand or a million cams on the web,
and the question becomes - who do i watch?

it seems like 100-1000 cams would be really the most you could really
meaningfully pay attention to

i think it will become a set of cases where either people
   * look for people nearby to have sex with
   * watch their pals as a way of 'hanging out'
   * focus on some specialised fetish 
   * search and explore 
   * ???

but youll always be on the top of my list.


entry 3    april 15

dear jennifer,

what a whirlwind of activity these past few days!
first the piglet rumor about your dad, and just when that
was all cleared up, the scary hack ruins the fun.
i found it pretty disturbing and ominous. 

i cant help wondering what you have planned and how it
relates to the dismantling of the archives....

i was at school today, between classes i got some thai noodles and when
i was paying a slip of paper dropped out of my wallet - it turned out
to be this fragment of an article from a newspaper that
i tore out like a long, long time ago. i looked at it and it said:

   Jennifer Ringley's page (http://www.amazing.com/jennifer) is 
   home to a young woman whose poetry, good spirits, and Winnie-the-Pooh
   links provide an initially deceptive portrait of a complex
   personality. One indication of this: Her homepage
   also includes a photographic tour

..and it tears off. I think it said
   "of her body. But it's not what you expect!' and remember
   thinking 'No nudity.'



entry 4    april 29


dear jen,

sleep... 

i watched you sleep the other night. you would roll around, throw off
the blanket,toss & turn some more, cover back up...

a very slight shift of my eyes and there was steph, sleeping in bed
too. the luxury of watching two girls sleep at once.

no sleep for me lately tho, reduced to watching other people sleep 
while programming into the night. i was up til 530 this morning
coding and playing xfrisk with 4d and nos.  shar'd up my source, submitted
it for grading, and then grabbed a few hours sleep before 830 wakeup. 
mmmm, school.

you werent there last night, so i went to voyeurcam and
watched wendy and chris sleep instead. its really precious the way 
they hold each other in their sleep and all... i can watch
people sleeping all night long...

i like to put jennicam and wendycam side by side now, a kind of 
'battle of the network cams' routine. jennicam has been down a lot
lately, so ive been more into wendycam. last night chris flashed
erect penis - thats one thing you never see on jennicam...

and now im off to sleep for a few hours, before studying for tomorrows exams,
your pal,
james


entry 5   may 13

dear jen,

well there are you in bed sleeping again. its a little after 4am and
thats 7am your time - tho its tempting to stay on til you wake up but ive
got to get to bed soon. ive been up late doing very tedious busywork
homework due in the morning - what could be more fun than time-wasting
tedium?

im so sick of school - this morning it was so beautiful outside, your
typical gorgeous spring day, so it seemed a shame to waste the day in
a classroom. i dropped by my 10-12 class a few minutes before it
started and grabbed the handouts & homework. i walked in in swimming
trunks and a tshirt and sandals, a silly temporary tattoo from a package
of kid's gum on my leg, took one look at all the hardworking
students, and with a 'seeya at the beach' smile, walked right back out, back
down the stairs and drove to sauvie island. 

this time we went to the clothed beach, but its pretty loose and all
the nudists etc were in evidence. which is fine and all except it
was kinda overmuch of a couple of the guys the way they posed around,
all shockingly i spose the idea was, to spook the innocent teengirls
and strike up leering conversations with them. one notch above exposing
themselves to kids in a schoolyard...

i love watching people frolic at the beach - where else do you lay
around in your undies to see and be seen? every personal-ad says
'i love walks on the beach'... whats with that?

sweet dreams, jen,
your pal,
james


entry six   may 19

-> *fourdee* i went and took a nap
-> *fourdee* i had this dream...
-> *fourdee* me and jennicam jen had machine guns
-> *fourdee* and were in a firefight with the feds
-> *fourdee* i shot a few feds
-> *fourdee* but then my fuckin gun jammed
-> *fourdee* and the last fed was coming to blow me away.. we were 
             in this tall grass and the bullets were mowing it down
-> *fourdee* then jen launched a fucking grenade and the fed died
-> *fourdee* then her weapon turned into a flaregun
-> *fourdee* and we only had one flare left
-> *fourdee* i said 'that flare is our only chance to contact 
             civilisation for help'
-> *fourdee* so she smiled and took it and hung it up on a tree by 
             the trigger and we strolled into the woods


(this dream was inspired by the constantly-playing saturation ads on
fox-tv for "worlds scariest police shootouts", i suspect. 
also, towards the end, walking into the woods, jen was xena
and i was gabrielle)



entry seven   -   june 3

dear jen,

well the mcveigh verdict is in and now that he's officially guilty
its a big question of what to DO to the guy. at www.cnn.com 69% of
people are clicking on the button that says to kill him, 30% clicking
on the button that says not to kill him. 

although a previous jounral entry appears to portray the triumph of 
asserted will over the federal enforcement agents, im not really very
convinced its a likely outcome and personally would never, ever even
consider such actions. i am to some degree sympathetic to those brave, 
often foolish souls who will step up to take action, but can understand
why the sheep tend to be angry with them after their dear, precious 
babies are blown up. 

i remember the day of the bombing and blame was being cast upon
the middle eastern boogeyman and i laughed cause i had read the 
turner diaries and i knew someone else who had read them had done it
and i knew WHY they had done it....

(steph has a little rap song that goes 
'Now mister mcveigh why did you drop Da Bomb?' )

i have a few questions for law enforcement that i would be interested
in seeing answers to, the most significant being:

==> Why isn't Turner Diaries author William Pierce being tried as part 
of the conspiracy, especially when one takes into the consideration 
the fact that Tim made lengthy calls to Pierce's unlisted number in 
the critical periods before the bombing?

i think i already know the answer, but want to know anyway.

the media initially picked up the turner diaries / mcveigh 
connection but has failed to carry the ball mostly.
the other day i was watching this photographer do a photoshoot
and got to thinking how weird it was, and how into it people are.
people have these inventories of 'looks' all saved up for hollywood.
the 'looking into an optimisitic future' pose always makes me laugh.
i find myself particularly fond of the 'tilted head' effect.

so i have film for this camera and i loaded it up and all,
and on a whim tossed it in my bag. as i walked along i kept noticing
how everyone, or at least, interesting people, had some personal
aesthetic they had cultivated and assembled for themselves, and i tried
to be appreciative of them all. and im walking along the square and theres
this girl laying on one of the pillars and theres a guy with a big 
bold camera sitting by her, not noticing her. and on a whim i 
said 'scuse me, hey would it be ok if i took a picture of you too?'
and of course she said 'why whats it for' and i said it was just for
fun and she (this really cute girl!) smiles and totally agreees to it!
so she's all brushing her hair back with her hand, and says all moviequeen
'im surrounded by photographers!' and i laugh and take another when she
laughs and i say 'im NOT a photographer!' 

intrigued at her response, as a total experiment in social engineering
i just went around downtown, almost predatorily, but not quite, looking
for more victims to shoot. perhaps 15 people seemed worth documenting,
amazingly enough all but two of them happily, indeed, enthusiastically,
agreed to a picture. i was blown away by them and myself and all of it...

i pulled a similar stunt a few nights earlier where this girl was giving 
out these flowers, and gave me one, and so i am stuck with this flower,
so i figure, ill give it to the first unescorted young woman i ran across.
and, at the height of the beginning of the starlight parade, downtown 
packed with people, it took me an hour to see one uncoupled qualifier. 
i woulda never noticed how coupled up everyone was if it hadnt been
for the flower indicator. so anyway, the poor lucky  random girl -

i see her and she's perhaps half my age and she looks over at me and
catches my eye and smiles so i hand the flower to her and say 
'this is for you...... because you are so sweet.' 
and she took it, and smiled, and said something, i dont remember what,
and seemed quite happy, and seemed to be
waiting for me to talk to her more but i quickly took my leave and
left her otherwise unmolested. i hope she puts a petal in her
diary and feels good about it for awhile. 

i saw the girl who was giving out the flowers, who gave me mine, 
later on and asked her what the deal was. she said her and her 
friend, this other teengirl, had bought a batch of flowers at this
flower vendor stand, and he said 'theyre all yours, honey' and so
they made a mission of distributing them all to the starlight parade crowd.
what a couple of angels...

so anyway, after taking a dozen or so pix of interesting people, 
i ended up on my way home, and just when it seemed like in a few minutes 
id be in bed napping - by a chance meeting on the street, its an
old friend from highschool! back at her place after i tell her about 
the camera experiment, she allows me to suggest i snap
off a few of her. gladly, she agrees. oh, she has an idea! wouldnt
it be fun to get some in lingerie? why yes, it would, it would.
sadly, i only had another dozen pictures left to take of her...

so im getting double prints, so she can have a set. to give to her bf
as a present, i daresay. she made a suggestion that we take some more
when i delivered her prints. 'mermaidesque' ones - she has the long
hair to pull it off.

i think my little experiment with 'obnoxious photography' has been
a total success.... i fear where this minor obsession will take me.
i think it would be easy and fun to develop ties with people who
are into being photographed, and exploring emotions, images,
sexuality, identity, and all that other shit. just in asking people
for consent and getting their responses, it seems people in this
culture have like universal attitudes towards the act of being
captured on film. 'whats it for?' is the most likely thing youll
be asked if you ask. its sheer vulnerability. and yet we love
being loved by the lense... or do we hate it, fleeing from its
aim as tho it were a gun, throwing our hands up in a futile attempt
to deflect its shot....
it warms my heart to think of all the jennys out there, who
enjoy being in front of the lense, happy to be there for our
viewing pleasure.



entry eight    july 30
dear jen,

i asked you if you believed in love and you said 
"love is like talking dogs - it only happens in movies"
and we laughed about it: at the time i was skeptical, 
but now im beginning to think you were right.

entry nine    october 13
dear jen,

its 330am, you are still on vacation, and im sitting up
writing papers for school, watching anacam, a scrambled

on tape... ana has been providing a rather large and 
curious vocabulary of symbols tonight, and sampling various
video feeds from her cable system... i like how she placed
the skull and crossbones and garbage cans over the religious
station... she rules... i forgive her for all her sins, just for tonights 
efforts.

in the beginning was the Image...

did you see her masturbate last night? i thought it was somewhat
entertaining, although to be perfectly honest im much more partial
to your efforts, jen. you have to give her credit tho for taking the 
medium to new extremes. 


the other girlcams on the peepingmoe list are superficially
interesting for awhile, but exactly how many girls can end their
nightly shows with post-it notes saying 'good night :) ' stuck
to their asses before it becomes absolutely passe and downright
unoriginal? i nominate ana for the most original effort being
currently offered in the free cam world. hopefully she wont stoop
to being so trite anytime soon, differentiating herself from
the tiresome offerings of lesser girls... with the reservations
of finding a lot of her stuff kinda banal. but every now and then
she will do something that crosses from faux artistic pretension
into unchartered and genuinely new use of the webcam medium.

and now im off to bed, for a 730 wakeup and a day of school and work...
love always,
your pal,
james

entry 10  - october 13, later

dear jen,

i heard about your interview on entertainment tonight today, someone
mentioned it on irc. i looked at august cam a little more and decided
she is doing a pretty basic vanillagirl effort that i can respect.
she seems to have a pleasing charismatic aura about her too... her smile.
lil darling's cam is going pay this week and not a minute too soon
in my opinion. questiongirl sure got nasty last night too - i think
the trend towards yellow post-its on genitalia has now officially
hit critical mass. a sad development.... it used to be easier 
keeping track of just you, when there werent a million other girls
competing for your bandwidth. i tend to think this trend towards
paycams vs freecams will end up with freecams winning, in the long
run, when the cam is a standard device... not necessarily free, but
unmetered in the sense of not having to buy a new phone line to be
able to call a new friend. the expense of the dedicated cam service
will go away with the mass adaption of the medium and then be part of
the infrastructure and taken for granted, not as special.

and until then, there will be superstars and disco queens. 

love,
james


entry 11 - october 15

dear jen,

anacam is sampling blade runner, and its about the coolest thing
on a webcam as far as sampling yet.... spicetv was experimenting with
feeding itself into the cam... definately a good night for camming.
if you have the means, check it out, jen.

love, james


entry 12  - october 17


dear ana,

well i hope you dont mind but im adding this to my
jennicam journal. it was so cool talking to you last night, and im 
pleased that we are new friends now. you seem pretty intelligent
and all, and fun to talk to. 

im glad your mom's visit went well and she was supportive of you
in this. she seemed happy enough and all... 

when i tuned in tonight you were taking a bathy... what a treat

the gothicy thing you have going on tonight definately works..

i got a ton of code written tonight..... mmm, coding to anacam.
thanks for the inspiration... youve gone to bed and are sound
asleep now, and its making me sleepy even though its
only 2am... guess ill get some sleep now too...       

sweet dreams, ana,
love,
james


entry 13  -  october 29


dear ana,

im in the computer science lab and you are just getting out of the shower.
you are quite naked. 

have fun at u2.... 
love, james




entry 14 - november 20

dear ana,

i cant believe tonights activities... you are on irc talking with everyone.
how beautiful you looked in your pleasure and we all love you. you rule!

so was it porn or was it art? 

there are so many cams now and given a live feed most people tend towards 
generating porny content... whats with that? i would have to say that you
are the queen if asked by a polling service.  of all offerings your content
is still the most inspired. you make people feel free... your story
about isabella doing a show and coming for you on her cam is about
off the yummy scale... 

have fun,
love,james



entry 15 - decebmer 9

dear ana,

well its 3:13am and you just flipped off the light and went to bed, leaving
a teddybear sitting silently in the dark. i've finished up 

 and should prolly get to bed pretty soon so i wont be too
tired for the final at 830. ive been drinking red wine, listening to 
deee-lite, vaguely discussing david hamilton and the appeal of young
cuties at nudist beaches with 4d on irc. i get the feeling im going to
look back on nights like this as 'the good old days' if i ever get the fuck
out of school. well, one may hope.

nauru is saying she will be taking down her cam for good now that its broken. 
too bad, although ive been semi-camfree for two weeks, (except when i was 
in the lab the other day and popped up an anacam, and was surprised to find 

 talking to you on irc!) i was going to pull
up a naurucam the very night her cam broke. its been down for a few days
and her channel on irc has dwindled away to just the hardcore types
and those who are just hearing the unfortunate tidings of losss. you
know how much i love nauru's efforts - remember the time i invited you
in to say hi to her? - and i will miss you two interacting oncam. 

my friend tracy reminded me today how very precious life is,
and how fragile and vulnerable we all are. stuck in these bodies,
forced to live in some laughable corporeal form....and now, i think i shall
join you and her and nauru and everyone else in the western hemisphere
in dreamland. peace.

love, james



entry 16 -  december 9, later

dear ana,

there you are again - where else?? - in bed, sleeping away with the
teddybear.  i went and took my exam - arriving 45 minutes late
since the lab didnt open til 9, and i needed to get a my printout of that 
paper. i got to class and there was one person still working on the exam.
i quickly finished up in 20 minutes tho, even taking time to go back and 
doublecheck all my answers. all classes should be so easy.... Isabella is on
#anacam right now and everyone is praising her for last night's images -
apparently quite a nice evening for viewing. naturally, i missed it.

[
Isabella> ahhh i remember the days when i used to stay up all nite...
> yeah the good old days, isa
> when everyone adopted ana's crazy sleep schedule
Isabella> so true
Isabella> damn school got in the way, tho
Isabella> although i have kept some late-ish nites lately...up 
           til 4 a.m. type of nites.
> you and me both, isa
]


i havent watchd Isa since you and her were playing around that one night. the
idea of married couples sharing Isa's cam is being discussed. i think its
a good idea, of course, tho i suspect the female mind just does not
have the urgent, pressing need for image acquisition that the male mind
does. ill spare you my little theory on how a great deal of male
sexuality is centered around storing up images in the old mental VCR, 
for later playback during masterbation fantasy... 

its a rainy day and the world is fresh and new. sweet dreams, sunshine...
love, james




entry 17 - december 18


dear ana,
i was kinda depressed last night, for various reasons, but as soon as
i pulled up your cam your smiling face cheered me up. you were like 

 the replicant from bladerunner, stuck in some crazy 'masturbate, come, smile'
infinite loop. i watched you and felt very peaceful inside and then fell
asleep. thanks, sunshine, i needed it....

love, james


entry 18- june 9

dear ana,

you are sleeping away like an angel, and i am in the CS lab
studying for a final. tomorrow this lab closes down forever,
soon to be demolished. it seems like a closing of a chapter.

ok, back to studying. sweet dreams, ana
james



entry 19 - june 25  

i saw 
the building slowly come down