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June 13, 2001

There Are No Vampires In Finland
Or Why No One Ever Heard Of Bela Ruotsi

Tonight's revelation. Kelly and I were seeing how lightly we could bite each other. After a little nibble, the following conversation took place:

Kelly: That was a light bite. I almost tasted blood!

Me: See these teeth? They have holes in the end, so when I bite you I can suck blood through them like a straw.

Kelly: Really?

Me: Sure. I'm a vampire.

Kelly: Nuh-UH. You have blue eyes, and vampires don't have blue eyes.

Me [thinking a moment, then]: Well, my ancestry is from Finland. Are you saying there are no vampires in Finland?

Kelly: That's right. No vampires are in Finland. They don't like it there.

Me: But wait a minute. Vampires hate sunlight. That's why they only come out at night. It's cloudy all the time in Finland, so vampires must love it there!

Kelly: Vampires don't like the dark. They come out in the dark to sneak up on people. So it has to be a little dark. But if it gets too dark, they trip. So vampires hate Finland, 'cause it's too dark.

Posted by dpwakefield at June 13, 2001 09:32 PM