Little Mole (fourth draft)
Clément Marot and Mark L. Irons
23 February 1999

    Little mole
    In your hole,
    Darkness hide.
 4  Why reside
    In this cell?
    When you're well
    Come with me.
 8  Soon we'll flee -
    No delays!
    Through long days
    Don't stay pent,
12  Resident,
    Hid away.
    End your stay;
    Let's go mine
16  Stone divine,
    Gems and ore.
    There is more
    Work to do.
20  Join those who
    Delve and dig
    (Zag and zig);
    We're your kin.
24  Meet us in
    Tunnels deep.
    Darkness keep
    Cloaked your soul,
28  Little mole.

Before I started work on this draft I went through the third draft and marked lines as either strong or weak. There were 15 strong, 13 weak. This one is 22 strong, 6 weak.

This draft started as a one line revision and continued growing.


  1. Line 6: something with the word "knell"? Lines 6-9 is now the area that needs the most work. Their tone is alternately passive and flippant, neither of which is appropriate.

  2. This draft drops the direct Residential reference to "hands that glow". This is a pity, since that image was a very good Molish counterpart to the original poem's "l'embonpoint". However, this loss is compensated for by the emphasis on the clannish nature of Moles in lines 20-25. That's been important since the beginning, but it's only come in now.

  3. Should line 20 read "Join we who"? The odd combination of sound reminds me of Mohelmot.

  4. Line 23 establishes that the author is a Mole.

  5. I'd really like to start line 24 with "join" instead of "meet", but I've used it already on line 20.

  6. I hadn't even noticed the parallel double rhymes of "to do/you rue" in the third draft until in this draft I removed the second line.

Last updated 8 June 2000
All contents ©1999-2002 Mark L. Irons

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